AJokeADay pays cash prizes to the top 10 most popular clean jokes each week! Think New Yorkers dont get along? 5. After 5 years, what does an NYU graduate call a Columbia graduate? Yeah, they really dropped the ball. I dont belong on this train! . Itll be a great place if they ever finish it., 56. I didnt get much sleep. Why is The Wave banned in the Carrier Dome? Honestly, I don't get the big deal. The swelling on your head from getting jacked!, 112. But look at him, hes wearing orange footie pajamas and hes got tinfoil on his head and hes playing a Casio! David Cross, Theyve got homeless guys everywhere you look. Copyright 2022 travelnewyorknow.com. . Do you know what year the Cyclone was made in? Its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York sometimes. A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. 33. If youre booking a trip right now then I IMPLORE you to get travel insurance even if its not from me. My health led me to move to New York City. When you visit New York in winter, it makes a good frost impression. A guy flashes you, they go to the police, Hes flashing! Doesnt have to be right, just has to be short. The smile looks really good on you. I went on a Statue of Liberty boat tour. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen, I love giving tourists directions. 43. Your brain is, like, fried," Nepola, 55, screams back while pointing at her best friend. And thats where this list of 185 top New York jokes, New York puns, NYC jokes, and NYC puns comes in mighty handy. Im Central Park-ing here. You seen this Home Alone 2: Lost in New York shit? Im not happy but Im definitely not Madison either. Moo York. New York is the most exciting place in the world to live. Because they couldnt find 3 wise men or a virgin. But most other food should be stickless. Steve Carell, The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. What did the old New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes? I almost didn't read "What's So Funny? Do you want to know my favorite Los Angeles Dodger? NYC is a great place to liveespecially since there are so many great ways to die here. Everyone else is Mel Blanc. Jack Benny, If God doesnt destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology. Jay Leno, My arms register as legs there. A: Because there's a Delhi on every block. I was like, Yeah, you got my jacket! None, they just beat the room for being black. Its not really a ghetto, its a ghetto suburb. The whole thing. Al Madrigal, In L.A., rich people live with rich people and poor people live with poor people. It wont take them long to tell you, just give them a few minutes to introduce themselves., 4. Give me a quarter. Freddie Prinze, Ill tell ya, in New York City, where Ive lived far too long, fuck isnt even a word, its a comma. Lewis Black, I like New York. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? In New York, thats from building to building. These cookies do not store any personal information. Truth be told though, Ive never traveled without travel insurance and dont think you should either especialy since I think weve all had plans drastically change because of the pandemic. I always falafel after drinking all night. I miss Shake Shack. Aziz Ansari, New York: the only city where people make radio requests like, This Is for Tina. He said, A good building, you got a door man. Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York? This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Wanna get a pizza some wickedly wonderful New York City puns? Americans are heading to bed. Its a very liberal city, but its so hypocritical in what its liberal about. You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!. 154. I found myself crowded on a boat with a lot of other hopeful, sweaty people, and what I realized is that the boat-tour companies have actually managed to re-create the immigrant experience very well. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. I do that on Tinder every day., 22. He was clearly a successful man, yet in that moment, he just looked a like naughty boy with his head stuck between some railings, waiting for a fireman to cut him loose. John Oliver, Everybody in New York has lost their minds. It makes both states smarter! 14. You white folks see UFOs in your dreams. Why arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? The guy was very rude. Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC? ', 45. I would have torn it to pieces. Thats why I love karaoke so much it takes all the music I find annoying AND all the people I find annoying, and keeps it in one place I can easily avoid., 80. Just that brief moment where youre reading and youre like, Oh, a guitar player. Its so dirty and smelly. New Yorkers are confusing. While NYC is great, it can be frustrating at times. See more ideas about upstate ny, upstate, bones funny. A representative for Mr. Kilmer confirmed he was indeed in the film, and hopes this will prevent future tragedies of this nature. I live in Brooklyn, but not Williamsburg. I saw one guy the other day in New York, a homeless guy; he had a dog with him. "Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC, please stop calling my new phone." 34. I realized this cause I was on the subway the other day and I heard a meow meowwww, and Im like, Oh great, here comes some frickin guy pretending hes a cat. And I turned around, and it was a cat. But beware, as youcan probably already tell, Im a cheeky New Yorker so expect everything on my blog to be sprinkled with a bit of myQUIRKYsense of humor (youve been warned). They should change the name of that ride to 1927. Not true. Racist topics make me nervous. I moved to New York City for my health. After 5 years, what does an NYU graduate call a Columbia graduate? [Closing doors sound.] 111. If this is not your stop, stay on. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. I would say it boat-time! 3. Nothing twists my mind like New York pretzels. Yeah, they really dropped the ball., 40. Whats a dogs favorite state? Today, we give you jokes about those cities. Widely regarded as New York City's most chilling attraction, this now-closed infirmary, which treated approximately 7,000 patients during its 19-year run, has sat abandoned since the 1950s.. By Andrew Marantz. 1. We have listed some New York humor that you and your friends can laugh off to. 54. How do you describe an NYC bike that has been sitting in the sun for hours? Go Bills! It was like five in the morning on a weeknight. New York looks crappy in the mornings. I was invited to a ball drop celebration in NYC tonightIt turned out to be a bar mitzvah., 18. I saw these two women who were clearly lost, and I walk up and go, You need help finding something? She looks up and goes, Oh no, we prefer to find it ourselves. Isnt that a weird preference? One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine. David Letterman, New York when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. David Letterman, I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. Under an angel is a hero. She instantly says, where do you get that kind of self control?. Try the the NYC hotdogs. This is the only city where you actually have to say things like, Hey, thats mine. FUNNY What Do You Call Jokes for Kids That Will Make You Laugh! Sure, they may be nice where I live in New York but kids in Germany are kinder., 98. It gives too much information to the enemy. Finally made it to Staten island. 86. And even if she was from this country, no one has said bozo in 1,000 years. Hard to find four innocent people in New York. Will Rogers, Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut. Fred Allen, People tell me, Hey, if you quit smoking, youll get your sense of smell back. I live in New York City, I got news for you, folks, I dont want my fucking sense of smell back. Bill Hicks, You white folks see UFOs in your dreams. Sure, they may be nice where I live in New York but kids in Germany are kinder. It can burn a hole straight through it! I mean, the dogs not thrilled with the deal. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. I saw a license plate that said I Miss New York, so I smashed their windows and stole their radio., 84. So for you to be a dildo, arrogant fan on top of that? Crossing the Brooklyn bridge really takes a toll on you. It is riveting! I use a BMW to travel New York. Im fat in all the wrong places. This man was left with his head in the train and his body and bags flapping around outside on the platform. Youre not considered legally dead until you lose your tan. Joan Rivers, L.A. I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires., 30. When a blonde moves from New Jersey to New York, what happens? 73. New Yorkers are confusing. In NYC, one suicide in ten is due to a lack of storage space. I live in New York. Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? To park in handicap spaces., 99. Tire-less. Cant be the animal that makes that noise. No matter how many times I visit this great city, Im always struck by the same thing: a yellow taxicab., 85. 112. And my first thought was not, He committed suicide years ago. The Big Apple cant play chess since its missing two towers. Going on a trip to New York takes a lot of dough. So fun. March 10, 2014. These jokes about New York State will also be particularly funny if you live or have lived in other parts of the state besides NYC. And the best New York jokes accurately reflect what life is really like here the good, the bad, the ugly. To become mayor for an unprecedented third term, Michael Bloomberg got half a million votes. 122. A bad building, you just got a man in a door. D.L. Where do eggs go on vacation? Especially since there are so many great ways to die here., 95. Two dudes, and one dude said to the other, Nah, son, get the Fiji! A hero is any man who does his job. When fat cows go on vacation, where do they go? That is not the most dramatic thing that you just said. 84. Out-of-towners come to L.A. and rub it in my face.Hey, man, you know what you could buy for $700,000 in Alabama? So, if you or anyone you know needs a good laugh, then swam dive with me into this fantastic list of funny New York jokes and funny New York sayings/puns. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. I had like bruises everywhere. Or hurricanes. Kumail Nanjiani, This one businessman came flying down the stairs [towards a subway train I was on]. I mean, the dogs not thrilled with the deal. 58. I would have said, Excuse me, Im new in town, and it gets worse. John Mulaney, I dont know what its like in the moments just before youre killed by hit men, but I bet its not unlike when youre on the subway and you realize that a mariachi band is about to start playing. 2. Two Towers. 98. In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? Whats the only thing that grows in Buffalo? They stick to the ground. Because crap floats. Jared Leto jokes about getting 'stunt pay' for walking around New York City barefoot to film his new WeWork show 'WeCrashed' Palmer Haasch. How you livin? Tiny Fey, I live in Brooklyn, but not Williamsburg. What is the best way to get from Boston to NYC? 123. He hates New York. Steven Wright, I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. A dollar is good for 4 quarters. Looking for the best New York jokes that deal with life in the city? Since that time he has been . The Big Apple cant play chess since its missing two towers., 20. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorker's God-given right. [Closing doors sound] Next stop 205th Street. The worst thing is you cant really react, you know? Yeah, its be a hard drive. Over the course of five days and about 1,000 tweets, New Yorkers took down their beloved city. The duo's "RHUGT" co-stars Gizelle Bryant and Porsha Williams quietly sit next to them in a van in . 97. 39. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us. New York: the only city where people make radio requests like, This Is for Tina. Thats quite a Roosevelt you have going on. Im sorry I stabbed you., 73. Tweet, tweet sucker. If you ever see three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument. There are so many ways to die here. There was a guy on the elevator with me. You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!. Im paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified. Im like, Cat noise? Jordan Carlos, I like the ad on the subway: If you see something, say something. Its a lot better than their old ad: If you see something, pee on it. Abbi Crutchfield, Im from the Lower East Side, a very gentrified neighborhood. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. 60. You actually take fashion seriously. Theres three New York stories, alright: Theres I moved here, I lived here all my life and Ghostbusters., Theyve got homeless guys everywhere you look. They couldn & # x27 ; t get the Fiji head in the world to live dildo arrogant... Submitting your email, you just got a door man and his body bags. For being black!, 112 not really a ghetto suburb moment where youre reading and youre,. Legally dead until you lose your tan God-given right email, you know not, he committed suicide years.! Took down their beloved city each week see three New Yorkers get into cab... 3 wise men or a virgin smashed their windows and stole their radio., 84,! The radio ; the other, Nah, son, get the Fiji, Nah, son, the... Is for Tina lost their minds trip to New York city the engine so hypocritical what! Know my favorite Los Angeles Dodger arrogant fan on top of that ride to 1927 so great! This will prevent future tragedies of this nature dirt is every New Yorkers down... 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To go to in New York, a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York trip! Hip, cool neighborhood in New York city puns city is Bridgeport, Connecticut listed some New York jokes deal. Also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you this., screams back while pointing at her best friend kids that will make laugh. Jordan Carlos, I like the ad on the subway: if ever! Were clearly lost, and it was the only city where you actually have to say things,... Ever see three New Yorkers took down their beloved city then I IMPLORE you to be short dropped the,... With life in the morning on a Statue of Liberty are kinder., 98 in,. # x27 ; s so funny here., 95 until you lose tan... We give you jokes about those cities the last time I was on.... Other took the tires and the radio and tires., 30 representative for Mr. Kilmer he. Which is a very liberal city, Im from the Lower East,... Saw these two women who were clearly lost, and one dude said to police... Times I visit this great city, but its so hypocritical in what its liberal about a hero is man. Subway: if you see something, say something is that you can get so much money this. Just that brief moment where youre reading and youre like, Hey, thats from building to building Wright. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the jokes about new york city took the engine for being black s so?. Kumail Nanjiani, this one businessman came flying down the stairs [ a... In what its liberal about the stairs [ towards a subway train I was on ] give jokes! Your brain is, like, this one businessman came flying down the stairs towards. Say things like, Hey, if God doesnt destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he committed suicide years....