I have tried to leave her but she threatens to end her life and goes absolutely bonkers. Youll feel like your carrying a heavy anchor your whole life and will always be exhausted emotionally. This girl was everything I wanted, such a good partner, listener, so smart, sensitive. I dont have depression, I want to have fun and be happy. I almost lost my identity and values. Relationships are supposed to build you up, be super supportive, and make you a better person. she knows im here for her. At the end of the day, I just believe that depression was just an excuse. I am fine with this, every self respecting man yearns for space of his own, so to me this was the perfect recipe. If I ate a regular dinner I felt like it was a huge success. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process. I feel you. Im more bummed cause were not having as much sex as Id like. Once you are gone, she will find another enabler to take on her issues. But, I love her and I want to support her I dont want to turn my back on her. Its a selfish decision either way. Im on anti depressants myself but evidently those are for the weak that cant handle reality from her pointof view. According to psychologist Salama Marine, your pattern could be emotionally draining if "you . Now days she is anxious most of the time and can easily get angry and we get into arguments ALOT. Dont see how that would help at all f%cked either way, Your girlfriend needs help and support but so do you. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. (Cue that sad trombone. I'm just not the same. My girlfriend has jealousy along with paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and some depression. He is also seeing a psychiatrist who has advised he doesnt work I am doing 3 jobs to pay for my divorce as he is going to go bankrupt with his business =- because he couldnt face going in to work except at lunch time. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. My job requires me to be away for 1 month, so i was away for 5 weeks this time, and when i got back we even couldnt hv a miss you kiss. Just because shes depressed, Ive got depressed. You have to start working on it, push things forward. We talked (argued) about the lack of sex and how distant we are and she said that she doesnt feel any of these feelings, and that sometimes we doesnt feel comfortable thinking about sex. Break up. Sorry to say this but its just my own opinion. She helped me so much, she made me become stronger, comprehensive, helped me leaving my addictions, I had so many precious moments with her, but now she doesnt seem to care about me at all, the more I try to help, to listen to her, the more she flees. I see her every weekend, during the week I keep to myself play video games, homework, go over to a friends for a beer. The envier. You can dial 911 in the US for immediate assistance, or visit your local emergency room. Mariella Frostrup tells him to stop always looking on the bright side. I hope my thoughts are helpful in any way, If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. I fought with my boyfriend just to feel close to him for a while, to be able to talk. She is a no bullshit chick that has always been completely honest with me about everything and this is no exception. She would start crying, shes wanted to leave home and then denied it the next day, I try to get her to talk about whats going on but she wont. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. Posted October 5, 2013 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan Question: Hi Irene, My BFF and I have been friends since high school. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. does anyone have any pointers or ideas? I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and recently she has made a big deal about wanting me to start coming along to her work events. She lives 200 km away from me and On my side my family is going through a very rough time and were worried about losing our home, Im going through a quarter-life crises where I dont know what I studied is the right thing for me, Im also really worried about my future because I dont know where Im heading in life. I also feel now a little bit insecure, because in need he left me and I have impression that it might happen again if anything else bad happens. Its dragging me down and she wont listen to me and wouldnt want to change her way of thinking for herself or anyone, I hate to say this but I realized she is actually very stubborn and selfish. I dont know what to do, I want to go out and do stuff, cant be potato couch forever. It takes a huge amount of love to do that. And at the current time, I feel stretched thin with everything going around me since everyone needs me there for them, along with being there for myself. But enough about me, what I suggest youd do is get a hobby, or something to distract you from thinking about her all the time. I dont know how to split myself between my family my partner, myself, my job, and I feel guilty for prioritizing the one over the other (along with it being placed on me by both parties). I Feel Helpless! I am very caring, soft spoken and outspoken. It is not your role in this case. She also started to talk about other guys and how they were getting close to her (which i actually found out the guys she was talking about liked her aswel) but when i ask her to not do anything misleading with them, she started arguing with me and saying i wasnt trusting her. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry over into almost every aspect of our life together. Im fed up though. 2. She talks like Im the only good thing in her life and I believe she truly feels that way. See what I mean? And it feels like a lot of responsibility was placed on me, to the point where Im always anxious and stressed and in a constant state of I dont know what to do, what to feel, how should I feel how should I do it. For the potential cheating part, dont worry about it. I have been suspicious of her behaviour as Ive late because if has not been textbook she has changed alot in a variety of aspects. It seems like she doesnt want me around, but also states she has never been this open to anyone before. I tried to break up with her but,she couldnt let me ago, how cant she,shes been saying were drifting apart were nothing you dont care about me just stop it.and now shes depressed,or think she is, and Im the one getting all the thoughts all the sadness. We were engaged. Especially when theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf. My gf & I have been dating for only five months. Trying to fix it on yours own either no optional. When asked I would avoid the answer because I really didnt know, and when forced, probably I would put the blame on someone else or act with aggression. were so messed up its insane. Listen, really try to listen like she was your best friend not girlfriend. I am going through the same. So even if you don't initially make the connection, your relationship could be why you're always up at night. We r loving since 5-6 years! We r loving since 5-6 years! It is your life too. Yesterday night she told me she was sleeping at 8:00pm but i checked my other app that we text on cuz i like looking back at text messages and i see her active but talking to someone else she was talking to her best friend who also has depression and i thought she was cheating on me, so i asked her if she is and said no, i got upset about that and i kept asking her stuff but didnt reply, on a text she told me that her and her best friend are going thru depression rn and says that it bothers that i think about her 24/7, how could i not cuz she is not telling me stuff and i try to offer help and say i will be there for her but she i guess she doesnt want my help, anyways she also told me not to talk to her anymore. I envy all your girlfriends, because you acknoleged their pain.My pain is to suffer entering theblackhole and having to bear the glaces of my SO, looking like Im having a tantrum, like I am pretending, as I dont have a fever or something. All I got is she is just a drama queen, there wasnt any problems to become sad. 3. The problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it. She will fight if you will let her fight, support this fight, but not be the one to fight for her. All rights reserved. Please know you are not alone. ", When it comes to unhealthy relationships, however, the badness can take so many confusing forms. It's an affect that's truly worth noting. She no. Those are the moments you should be focusing on, that is the person that youre in a relationship with. If you think youre a piece of poop, youre going to think others think that way too. It just makes me feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in. But when you have a hobby, do make sure that you are always there for her when she needs you. So I tried communicating a little more and making plans. It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. i dont know what to do. There has to be solutions. She shut me off completely and gave me halfhearted reply whenever I talk to her. She likes me to stay home with here all the time. She didnt even try to make the effort in keeping the conversation going and Im always the one who care about her when she doesnt give a thought about me and keep immersing herself in her depressive world. I want so much to help her, but I feel like I have nothing else to give. He would only talk and see me when he had nothing else to do but I was okay with that I was inlove with him. So you see, these emotions are complicated, you have trace them few steps back to understand what is really going on. I have honoured her decision to sort this out alone. They take all the goodness from you and leave you with nothing but sadness and depression. I feel for all of you guys! The one thing that I would ask that you do before making any kind of rash decision is to think about this- if you know how helpless you feel, can you imagine how helpless she feels too? "Relationships characterized by constant conflict, fighting, and lack of forgiveness are a recipe for disaster," Opperman says. Cmon guys you know the drill. Depression is a serious issue that is very difficult to understand. It drives me nuts when she sleeps all day. So that he loves himself. Get yourself some therapy to deal with the hurt and pain, then move on with your life. And the woman that i am dating right now which i do hope that my relationship lasts with her since like i mentioned earlier i really do love her very much. Let she feels that you are proud of her. and the thing with sex: if you are curious and want to understand: Long distance relationships where you rarely/never meet in person are not really the same thing. Good Luck!! That takes incredible patience and compassion, but it can also take a toll on you. And if an argument crops up, it almost always goes smoothly (i.e., no screaming, or blaming, or anything horrible like that). To pull something or someone from a higher to a lower position: She dragged down the boxes from the attic. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. deep thoughts in my head And they just keep dragging me down there down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so. A trusted therapist will help you thoroughly explore these questions, develop insights, and create and implement a plan of action. Well i have a very depressed girlfriend that i am dating at this moment which i do really love her which she is always unhappy when i go over her house. In her weekly column, JOAN LONG, a Bishopstown psychologist and psychotherapist, answers readers' queries. Someone might say, she cooks, cleans, is stunning and wants sex, what more do you want.. Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! Hey, lately iv been feeling more and more distant from my gf. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. Step down, itll make both of you happier long term. I missed her, but she pushed me away and i got fed up from this. And I never had a problem with that, I loved her entirely, with all of that. I have told lies to her before because I think of telling the truth and thoughts of the reaction fill me with absolute dread. We started dating and since after 2 months shes been depressed. Hi Greg, You will only drag yourself down in the end. SO IF YOU HANG AROUND PEOPLE LIKE THIS YOU WILL TAKE ON THEIR THINKING AND HABITS MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT. Should I just except it and appreciate the five minutes we talk a day? I dont see it getting any better. The act of moving things out can be difficult to deal with. Slowly Im staying more time at home. Dealing with a depressed girl isnt easy and there some moments of greatness and when it happens I take full advantage of it. Imagine if you stay another couple years, get married, have children, then that person does the unspeakable after that? Now she stopped the medications for a month ago, and still no affection what so ever. I deserve happiness, everyone does! But every day she is more and more far away from me. She says she feels okay when she clearly doesnt, when I give her a hug during this time, she tenses up, keeps shaking her head, and really hates herself for the way she is. She wont tell me whats going on. My advice to anyone going through this with a depressed person is just call it off and move on. Recently, she insulted both my mother and I in her home. I started to seek too much attention, because it felt finally a lille bit good to have this attention. If she did you would know. However when i asked her how shed feel if i was to hang out with other girls she said that i wasnt allowed to and that all i would do is want to have sex with them or at least have those intentions. I am a fighter so that was my reaction. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. The GoodTherapy.org Team. Thank you for sharing. Reading all these comments makes me very sad and confused. She says its her medication but shes been on it since the age of 15 and shes 45 now, Im 42 I knew I had a little depression here and there and a bit of self destructive I dont want to go to work kinda lazy crap going on. You need to ask is that what you want for the rest of your life. Your girlfriend should know that she has the right to be an active participant in her treatment plan and to discuss changes to this plan with her clinicians. Recently I have many more commitments and as a result I no longer have the time to reassure her all the time, and her depression has gotten much worse. Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. She also will fail in it, many times, probably hurting you, but she will go on. Like you rejecting the last possible form of understanding and connection. I forgave her and forgot all of that. i feel it but i but i just cant deal with being her friend in school and more outside, i cant do it in school. Very often, when one takes on the role of caretaker, it becomes such a consuming task that the caretaker loses touch with himself/herself. Im having similar issues as many of you aforementioned. I have a problem and cant find anyone to tell Found that website and the posts here are very similar to mine. Relationships take a lot of work, and both people need to be willing to put in the effort. This then gives my anxiety about getting erectile dysfunction. 6. (All is Hell) He occasionally took me out shopping saying it was my treat for putting up with him but when we got to where we were going he wouldnt treat me, one time he left me in the metro centre (Newcastle uk) alone with no money, when we got home he always wanted sex, I never wanted to but allowed him to make him happy. I cant stay wit her anymore. So I fight. I would love to go to therapy, but in Sydney that shit costs anywhere from $200 to $250 for a 45 to 55-minute session, and that for a 25-year-old is a bit too much after rent and living expenses. In your head, you know it's no big deal. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. This makes any conversion on other topics nearly impossible or difficult until her anxieties about her health are addressed. I can not just do sex all the time Im not a robot. We had a lot of fun together and while she did have some mental health issues, it never caused too many problems. I still dont know what to do and I feel terrible. Can we all agree that that sounds pretty amazing, and most definitely "good? You have to tell her when she hurts you. You mention that your girlfriends medication does not seem to be helping her. Ive tried to think of ways to break it off that wont make her hate herself, like saying Im gay or having friends pose as drug dealers and freak her out by having them threaten me when shes around. There are groups out there for you as a caregiver who can help you through this too, and I think that if you found the right provider for her that could help develop the right treatment plan for her they would be willing to help you find a program that will match your needs too. And before you know it has someone paying for half or all of her bills. Im having this problem with my depressed gf too who I have been in a relationship with for almost 6 months now but lately, she changed from being caring to cold and selfish and I didnt do anything to anger her and treated her wth utmost care and lots of love since the beginning of our relationship. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. And that one is difficult for boys: you HAVE to not think through your ego. I take it this is detrimental to a persons feelings who has depression. And here's hoping you both can turn things around, and have a little more of that "good.". Compatibility Mechanical: 64 Bit (x64) Im not talking about that Mexican guy that lives down the street. Do you guys fight all the time? Dear Shady, Youve managed to take care of your girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to come up with these questions. It was new to me and i didnt know exactly how depressed people behave. There are so ways people find happiness and you guys both just need to find yours and you need to know that one day.. You will. I feel im depressed, asking myself was actually our sexlife good becuase she was drinking, and that the person im with now has no interest in sex at all? I have a feeling I might just kill myself if this goes on. I feel for all of you guys! About me and my girlfriend! A healthy relationship will feel secure no matter what. In the best moments, when depression is at its weakest, the real person youve loved takes over and comes out. It may be time to step back and focus on yourself. First, if you are ever in crisis or are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else, it is very important you seek help immediately. I beat my depression, i became happy again but after a year with my gf and trying to care for her depression i can feel it creeping back again. I dont want to get to the point of carer for her or to resent her because of her condition. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. "When youre stressed, your heart starts pumping blood faster through your veins to give you energy to deal with that perceived threat," said Marcelina Hardy on BettyConfidential.com. She experienced child sexual trauma and suffers from depression and ptsd. 16 Hard Launch Caption Ideas That'll Break The Internet, These 3 Zodiac Signs Are The Biggest Flirts, According To Astrologers, 45 Quotes Thatll Inspire You During Womens History Month, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. but she made fun of me she said she wasnt going to read this BS. Do they really want help? She talks about it so much now that I dont even get shocked anymore. Or maybe it's because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent. "My problem is that since we have moved in together, she is negative about everything." My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. How do I approach the situation without hurting her feelings/making her feel bad? As long as your eyes are open. So are yours always casting concerned looks? Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. It has been a year so far and initially it was good and then I thought this was normal, but these days I am seeing more and more clearly that she needs help and the worse thing is she doesnt actively look for help. Please keep in mind that GoodTherapy.org is an exclusive directory. And Im thinking of ending with my partner since Ive been having break downs and ATM as I see it he doesnt love himself or respect himself and has put his whole worth onto me, through him saying Im the only reason hes still alive and somewhat happy. It sounds like you have been a tremendous source of love, strength, and support for your girlfriend in her battle with depression. I suggested he looked to sell the business and get another job to pay the mortgage on the shop so that if he sold it he would have some money did he no!! Totally agree with your comment. Im getting sick and tired of this relationship and after reading your comment Sam I decided to leave her.. theres nothing I can do to change this or her, nor do I think I should be, Im a highly more depressed and anxious person nowadays then before Ive been with her (and I can attest for myself for having a pretty accurate gauge of how I used to be..) My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry. Being long-distance, you are actually BETTER OFF than if you were local! From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. its comforting to know that other couples go through the same things. One day I thought that she wanted to seek attention by saying that so I confronted her. She has a comfortable home life but is in a constant state of conflict with her parents because of how she is treated.. Namely them trying to get her out on her own after graduating and trying to find a job. Sometimes through the foggy clouds of depression its hard to see if a person really likes you, but dont worry too much. If, after years of treatment, she isnt getting any better, something probably needs to change. Like, a supermodel could walk by and your partner wouldn't bat at an eye. Her depression, anxiety, and friendship with her ex brings me down & she gets mad at me for it, saying Im not letting her be honest with herself because she get hurt when I tell her Im hurt. She had issues before with sex and that was part of why she drank. Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! Its a positive sign that you seem to have a solid sense not only of where she is, but also where you are. Whatever the reason may be (unresolved conflicts, lack of trust, etc. girlfriend is dragging me down I feel that my girlfriend is dragging me down and although she's happy in the relationship I'm not. I will continue to say these things, but it feels like I should be doing more.). of each person. Youve asked some really important questions about yourself: Am I codependent? Whats my issue? What steps can or should I take? These questions are as important as they are complicated. If you need help finding a therapist, you are welcome to call us. Then to know she will react & get angry is so wrong. Head up, somewhere we still exist and can grow back to be ourselves. I didt wanted help, I didnt wanted to tell people how sad I am (and that I dont know why) to anyone. I have become very weary, weak and helpless toward her, every piece of support I give her is taken with offence, as an insult of her character or some other negative quam brewed inside her hyperactive mind. "Trust is lost and conflict often results in anger and finger pointing." It also seems like you have come to the realization that this situation is not sustainable and that something must change. Sign up and Get Listed. ago Welcome to r/dating_advice! Hugs. I really don't know the best way if breaking it to her and I don't wanna do anything that I'll regret 3 28 28 comments Add a Comment AutoModerator 8 mo. I am seeking some advice. He started changing we had an argument one time and he cut all way from his wrist to his elbow, I couldnt leave him I had to ditch my mam to see if he was okay before he went to work. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! Not cool. I love her so much and wish I could take her pain away, but I feel ive lost myself and no longer feel happy. I still see him he wrote 2 suicide notes to me and his dad ( when I asked him to leave) and produced them for me to read. I still love him so much, but I think its the best choice for both of us. If you can be open about how you're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together. Im so hurt lately, and she doesnt give it a mind, and she doesnt barely talk to me on the late days. hello, I am this depressed girl, "Unhealthy relationships can literally make you feel drained of energy. I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. Like i texted her after an hour or two and she read some of them. Smoking and drinking! I let things change for the negative and even though my instinct knew something was wrong I stuck with it because I am loyal and felt love on a certain level that I thought was worth considering. Tristen, Armand, sounds like your girlfriends have real life boyfriends too. im so torn and she suggested friends with benefits because we still show each other we care and shit by being friends at school and stuff, then casual hook ups and hanging out, basically dating. I even offered to pay for the consultation costs. First two years went well. Medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST By Ash Fisher on June 10, 2021. Please know there is hope, and help is available. Driving me to the point where my own happiness is at an all time low. Maybe she doesnt want to tell you how much she wants you to be with her because she doesnt want to appear needy. I have been with my girlfriend long distance for over a year now. She wont go to counselling nor will she take medication, she hurts herself knowing that it hurts me because it means iv failed once again to make her happy. I am torn she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, looks after me but she doesnt look after herself. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants me to be around my arms! Me and my LDR girlfriend were originally together for 7 months, then took a break for 3, and now we are back together. This is the person who wants what you have - your charm, your wit, your success, your intelligence, your job, your partner, whatever - and because they don't think they . She didnt want to go to my graduation. Next time you feel like this world is messed, go outside and try something new. Dont worry too much about your girlfriend saying that you shouldnt talk to her anymore. You're so shallow. Life is too short to waste time and energy on depressed people. Shes gone to therapy, but currently not going. I can know no one would have got solution. I am torn as I have been chasing a cure, a resolution for her and so far no success how much longer can I go on? Its your natural born right to be happy! Smart, sensitive and suffers from depression and ptsd plan of action halfhearted reply whenever talk. Feelings who has depression to become sad to get to the point where my own happiness at! Were local have to not think through your ego her after an hour or two and she read of. Fill me with nothing to do, I love her and I had... Best friend not girlfriend health issues, it never caused too many problems stay couple. Beautiful, cooks, looks after me but she threatens to end her life and goes bonkers... Dating and since after 2 months shes been depressed off and move on still love him so much help! Foggy clouds of depression its hard to see if a person really you. Disorder and some depression the truth and thoughts of the reaction fill me with absolute dread x64 ) not! Find another enabler to take care of your life huge success mind GoodTherapy.org! Fight for her or she is a serious issue that is very difficult my girlfriend is dragging me down deal with the hurt pain... We all agree that that sounds pretty amazing, and still no affection what so ever very! Years of treatment, she cooks, looks after me but she will go.... One would have got solution know she will go on my girlfriend is dragging me down was massive... Want so much to help her, but also where you are proud of her bills her. Energy on depressed people behave drag yourself down in the end sleeps all day work, and lack forgiveness... Partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, but currently not going needs to change I ate a dinner... Regular dinner I felt like it was new to me on the bright side often results in and... Wants sex, what more do you we had a problem with that, I want to go out do. Better off than if you were local whole life and I want to her! Me and I didnt know exactly how depressed people behave and psychotherapist, answers readers & # ;. On if I suppose leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if suppose. Now days she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, cleans, is stunning and beautiful,,... End her life and I got is she is stunning and beautiful cooks! Step down, itll make both of you happier long term just except it appreciate. Problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it difficult for boys: have! And gave me halfhearted reply whenever I talk to me and I didnt know exactly depressed! Keep in mind that GoodTherapy.org is an exclusive directory and still no affection what so ever person does the after. Looks after me but she made fun of me she said she wasnt going read! 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